Fine Dining or How to torture yourself and your neighbors for $50

We had an amazing trip to Chicago last weekend.  All in all the boys were great and we got to do A LOT of fun new things.  The only time we had trouble, a lot of trouble, was meal time.  Jake just does not like to sit still for an extended period of time, and being in a new city, not knowing where the "kid friendly" restaurants were, we attempted a lot of "sit down" meals (I use that term loosely). And let me just say this, the concierge's idea of kid friendly and my idea of kid friendly are definitely not one in the same.  Further, Chicago is not a cheap city.  So we spent a lot of money to torture ourselves and our neighbors and not eat very much food.  

Here's how it went down, almost ritualistically, twice a day for four days: 

We go into the restaurant and if we're lucky there's not a wait.  If we're not lucky, I spend the whole time trying to corral Jake, trying to keep him from yelling (he's never been a quiet child) or spitting (his newest form of self expression for anger).

After we get to the table Jake takes his crayons and draws all over whatever is in arm's reach, the placemat, the table, the wall, the chair, etc.  Then he chews on the crayon and spits out the wax. 

After he's done with the crayons, he finds the silverware and begins to bang it on the table and maybe even a plate or glass, as loud as he can.  After I take it away, there is more spitting.   

If I'm thinking ahead, I brought his sippy cup.  If not, he receives a cup with a lid and a straw which he insists on tipping up to drink so the milk dribbles out all over his shirt (usually I have not brought a bib).  Eventually he takes the straw out, chews it up and then throws it down.  Then he tries to drink from the straw hole in the cup, again, milk spilling down his shirt.

Then I usually let him play with the sugar packets.  He wrinkles up and trashes several packets of sugar, equal, splenda, etc.  Then he likes to chew on, bang or throw the container.  I take it away, more spitting.  

Next comes the salt and pepper.  It goes everywhere.  Kevin insists this is better than giving him a sweet snack, like a lollipop or granola bar.  I'm not so sure.  I take it away, more spitting.

After he has exhausted his options,  he likes to stand up in his high chair.  By this time I have to remove him from the table and go for a walk.  Again more spitting, and by now he is yelling the only word he is actually using appropriately - NO NO NO NO NO!!!!  

The food comes.  Jake might take a few bites, but probably throws it on the floor.  One time I actually found a place that served Mac & Cheese but it was scalding hot when it got to the table.  This caused a lot of spitting and crying.  

Finally, we pack up the leftovers for the hotel.  We don't actually ever eat the leftovers, they just stink up the hotel room because we don't have a fridge.

So $50 later, we are out of there, still hungry, aggravated and probably tired.  So there is lots of crying, yelling (NO NO NO!) and spitting on the way out.

Most people are pretty understanding,  But, on the last day some guy actually asked me to make him stop making so much noise.  Right. I should have taken Jake over to his table so he could experience the yelling and spitting up close and personal.  Instead, I just packed up and left.  We went to our room and ordered room service.  That seemed to work a whole lot better for everyone.  

Except maybe for Kevin, I'm not sure if he got the bill yet or not.